Hello again! I wasn’t planning on blogging a third night in a row, but after reading a post from another blogger I felt the need to share something.
I haven’t mentioned this before, but I’m a Christian. Clearly it’s not as big a part of my life as it should be or I would have mentioned it earlier. Basically, I’ve been involved in church my whole life. And when I say my whole life, I mean my whole life. I played baby Jesus when I was born. Not kidding!
Anyway, I was baptized when I was eight years old. I remember being in the water, repeating the words, and being dunked. My older sister and I were baptized at the same time. What sucks is that I can remember the actual ceremony, but I can’t remember what caused me to make the decision or what changed in my life afterwards. Because of how involved I was in church, the change was gradual. It wasn’t like I was going from one extreme to the next, like from being an avid atheist to a Christian. In the Bible, we’re told that we are supposed to go out into the world and share our faith. Usually, the best way to do this is to share your testimony and tell the person how God has changed your life. But I don’t know what my testimony is. I know that I believe in God. I couldn’t imagine this world without Him as the creator! But I can’t seem to figure out how my life has been changed because I honestly don’t remember what I was like before or right after I was baptized. (One thing to know about me: I have a really crummy memory.)
Sometimes, I worry that my faith isn’t adequate. I know that sounds silly. After all, Romans 10:9 says, “That if you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” But if this is true, which it is, then why do I feel so guilty all the time? I know it will help if I read the Bible more, but sometimes I just feel like there’s something wrong with me. (Another thing to know about me: I tend to over think things and make them more complicated than necessary.)
I don’t know what my problem is, but whatever it is it’s holding me back in my relationship with God. I could be so on fire for Him if I could just get past this guilty feeling and these doubts about myself! Ugh. Whatever. If you have any thoughts or feel the same way sometimes please let me know! For now, I’m going to read the Bible more and pray a lot! Time to focus!
That’s all for tonight. Sorry it wasn’t as light-hearted as usual. But now you know one of the main things that’s always on my mind! Goodnight!
Shelila
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Thank you so much for writing such an honest post. I spent most of my life feeling like I didn't really have a stroy - I'd always known God, so there was no miraculous conversion for me - but I realised eventually that life is often more subtle than that.
ReplyDeleteI discovered Jesus through a lot of people and a lot of sunday school classes. I found him through Aslan, in the Narnia books. I committed to him in a new way when I was 13, then in a new way again when I was 17, then again when I was 19... life is made up of a lot of little moments like that that can take you down a new path with God.
Anyway. I won't go on tonight, especially because my faith is very weak these days, but thank you again for sharing your thoughts and experiences. x x